How to Foil an English Pirate

First encounter:

Foreign National: 你好， 你叫什么名字？
Chinese National: Waaaaa, you Chinese soooo good!
F: 没有， 没学了多久.
C: Yes, so good. Where you learn?
F: 我在北京待了差不多一年。。。
C: You must be very smart…

Has this happened to you? If so, were you thinking: 如我中文那么好你为什么跟我说英文？ （If my Chinese is so good, why the heck are you speaking to me in English then?). Yes, my friend you have encountered what is known in the “lǎowài” community as the dreaded “English Pirate”. They come out of the shadows intent on stealing free English lessons; no matter what you say in Chinese they are always ready to respond in English; finally, worn down, you lose the battle and switch to English.

Now, here is what I think the rules of engagement should be:

• A student of your language in your country (they have traveled quite far after all just to learn your language!) should be addressed in your language.
• If the person addresses you in English, and you know English, or the conversation cannot go further because they do not know your language well enough, fair enough to switch to English. But give them a shot!
• Likewise, in the U.S, if you are a student of Chinese, you should not try to use Chinese expats as a tool to teach you Chinese. They may be here to learn English and you should help them out.

More importantly, how does one foil an English pirate? Aaarggh!

• Try as long as you can to stick to Chinese… they may give up before you do.
• Identify the English pirates in a social group and avoid them.
• Fix your attention on people who are interested in you as a person, and not you as a free English lesson.
• You can try to pretend you’re from a country that does not speak English (ashamed to say I have done it a few times), but it’s not honest and doesn’t feel good in the end.
• You can be upfront and say “I came here to learn Chinese, would you mind only speaking in Chinese with me for a while?”
• All in all, the best way to avoid one is to identify one and retreat. There are plenty of Chinese nationals happy to speak their language with you.

The thing with English pirates, as is with anyone more interested in getting something out of you rather than knowing you, is they probably won’t pan out to be your best friends. Ironically, I found the people most willing to speak to me and other lǎowài in Mandarin in Taiwan spoke more English than the pirates in the end. As they became a part of our group, naturally we all switched to English at times.

Does Chinese Suck?

If you are a learner of Chinese and have “hit” the proverbial “wall”, you may have wondered: “Does Chinese suck or am I the one who sucks?” Few things are more humbling than trying to learn Mandarin. Maybe you even have studied for a year or two, but when you open your mouth native speakers look at you as if you were speaking gobbly-gook. So what’s up with Chinese? Am I just stupid or is this language stupidly difficult? (One hilarious rant I read online about “Why Chinese is So Darn Hard” made me think of this topic. ).

First of all, let’s not pretend: Chinese is not easy, nor is there some fast method that will make you fluent. However, Chinese is also not impossible to learn, and really anyone can do it. You have to have patience and perseverance, but you WILL learn. You should pace yourself and organize your learning well. Expect to learn in stages (check out Sinosplice’s definition of the 5 stages of learning Mandarin “The Five Stages to Learning Chinese” ).

Learning Chinese is a bit of a good-news, bad-news affair. First the bad news:

• Tones: There are 4 main tones (one neutral), a pretty trippy concept to get used to.
• No Cognates: Other than kāfēi for “coffee”, or shāfā for “sofa”, you are on your own. No freebies here.
• Non-alphabetical language: Need I say more?
• Unusual Sounds: Mandarin contains some sounds difficult for learners to pronounce such as the reflexive zh-, ch-, sh-, or the ü umlaut sound, and many more.
• “Out There”: Chinese is “out there”; it is generally just really, really different from English.

Now for the good news:

• No Verb Tenses: Once you learn a verb you’ve learned all its forms: that being only one. No conjugation here.
• No Articles: No complicated articles as you might find in a European language.
• Simple grammar: Compared to Arabic, Japanese and even some European languages, the grammar is pretty bare bones.
• Logical: Chinese has always been Chinese, so the language fits together in a logical fashion with few exceptions. Once you are past the beginner stage, you will see how the morpheme pairs and the grammar all fit together beautifully.

Tell me the good and bad news from your learning. Stay tuned for tips on learning Mandarin.